Ponderings

I'm playing with some new ideas at the moment. These are ones I'm looking to take to the next level. Let me know what you all think...

'Celebrity Death Cam'

Channel Four daily, live web stream, until its over

Following on from the recent celebrity death media fest surrounding Jade Goody, (identity secret at time of print) will allow unmitigated access to their dying days in the form of web cams, video diaries and daily big brother style updates. This challenging series will question the need for such material in the media, and the need for audiences boundaries to be pushed to the limit. This will be the first live, up close and personal broadcast death on television. Ratings will be through the roof.

'Cock Fighting With Danny Dyer'

6 x 30, Bravo

Gravel voiced cockney working class hero Danny Dyer is thrust into the dark underworld of professional cock fighting. This raw, shocking and oft violent pastiche of the organized criminal underbelly of the UK, will highlight the shocking treatment these cocks are put through in the name of 'sport'. Not for the faint hearted.

'Manface'

1 x 90, BBC 3

Utilsing the pioneering technology that enabled the worlds first face transplant, Alesha Dixon is fitted up with a mans face to document how men are treated more favouribly than women in every element of life.

'The Emma Bunton Show'

10 x 60, BBC 3

Lily Allen was too much of a cunt, so we're reverting to the 'butter wouldn't melt' world of Emma Bunton. Join us and a host of celebrity guests on a trip to Lollipop Lane, a world where kittens play with balls of string and bunnies poo chocolate money. Awwwwwwww.

'Gene's Hackney Carriage'
6x30, Ch4

Gene Hackman takes the knowledge and becomes a city of London cab driver for a month after overcoming initial struggles driving 'stick', and on the other side of the road to that hes used to.

Fresh Ink

Just some ideas I'm bouncing around at the moment. Let me know what you think...

'The Black and White Menstrual Show'
Daily Episodes 30', Living

Woman from all different ethnic backgrounds gossip, interview and generally argue with celebrities during their shared menstruation period. The hosts will rotate, as do their bodily cycles. Should kick the shit out of Loose Women.

'Louis: Theroux The Keyhole'
1 x 90, BBC2

Louis Theroux travels to Australia, to meet and conduct operations with rogue keyhole surgeon Graeme Reeves, also known as the "Butcher of Bega".

'Fratboy Slim'
6x30, BBC Three

Ob doc where the fattest frat house diet from omega to iota in some of the most revealing television on student eating habits ever seen on the channel.

'Who Wants To Be A Millionaire: Slumdog Special'
1 x 120, ITV1

The vagrants and the poor are given the chance to prove their knowledge and win big, in this special edition of Millionaire inspired by the hit movie. More feelgood then some super strong cider and a needle full of horse.

'Mandela House'
30x30, MTV1

Nelson Mandela opens his doors to the MTV generation.

Jacksons on Fire

Phew. What a hectic time since my last post. Been meaning to bring you all an update on the latest moves for me, but been caught up in a whirlwind of commissioning meetings. With the recession, everyone wants television! This is a great time for me, I'm absolutely on fire. Somebody pass a bucket of water!

'United Mums Dairies'
6 x 30 BBC Three

Documentary series following a group of entrepreneurial High Gate mums. After seeing a gap in the market, Pandora Hamilton rounds up the local mums and begins to bottle and market their breast milk. Follow the gang as they struggle against the adversity of the public to get their milk on the supermarket shelves and enjoyed by the nation in their hot chocolates and cappuccinos.

'What Sex Is My Meat?'
1 x 30 BBC (Panorama)

Alex James leads a undercover investigation into our right to know the sex of the meat on our plate.

'Born Stupid?'
BBC1 6x30, followed by another series every 7 years

Dave and Karen live on a sink estate in Bristol and have one of the lowest combined IQs in the country. They've just given birth to twins, to add to their already healthy brood. Their other children are as dense as they are; but will these new additions to the family be any different? Or does it just depend on how we are raised? To investigate this question, Twin A will grow up living with his parents, while Twin B will be adopted and raised by Barnaby and Cherie Turlington-Jones; members of Mensa scientific geniuses. We will visit the children every seven years until they are 21, comparing their IQs and progress in life to finally gain the answer to the ultimate question; are we born stupid?

'Noels Street Parties'
Sky 1, Live Broadcast entire evening.

Noel Edmunds unites the country in a celebration of Great Britishness, with a host of street parties across the nation. Linked by live video satellite, Edmunds will hop from party to party in his helicopter, to bring unmitigated joy and happiness to under-privileged families with gifts galore. Expect tales of amazing trials over adversity, and tears as Noel changes peoples lives forever; crack out the bunting, and pour the punch - Noels coming to town!

Hot Off The Press

These little beauties have just been commissioned. I'm so hot right now!! Entering production in the new year.

‘I Could Do That'
6 x 30, Five

A Faking It ‘reboot’. The first in the series features a man who has played Football Manager on his PC for the last twelve years, actually getting to manage Woking FC for a month. Will his skill and knowledge of the game transfer from cyberworld to the real world? A future episode will include an anti-evolution hockey mom being allowed to run as vice president of the United States because she's a 'doggone' cutie.

'Country File - Columbia'
10 x 30, BBC/Discovery

John Craven and Ben Fogle take the popular BBC format to Columbia to hang out with gun toting cocaine farmers.

'Griff Rhys Jones on Melancholy'
1 x 60, BBC2

After his successful look into anger the comedian/presenter works through other emotions starting with wistfulness.

'Oliver's Army'
6 x 30, Channel Four

Having solved the problems of proles and schools not serving up butternut squash risotto, Jamie Oliver is given a crack team of SAS commandos to help him bring modern healthy italo hybrid cuisine to trouble spots around the world, including parachuting into Darfur to knock up a salmon fillet wrapped in prosciutto.

'Halfway House'
30 x 30, Sky 1

Fly on the wall documentary following the comings and goings of a halfway house for the drunken and drug riddled, highlighting the desperate plight of the UK's homeless population. Using the same technology as 'The Family', we are catapulted into the underbelly of a increasingly uncomfortable world, from the safety of our sofas. Narrated by Angus Deayton. Bafta written all over it.

Civvy Street
3 x 60, Channel Four

Harrowing drama focusing on the trials and tribulations of a troupe returning from their personal horrors of the original Iraq war, and trying to adjust back to life on 'civvy street'. To include controversial graphic footage of inter-racial gay sex - press will be all over it!. Starring Daniel Radcliffe, Sean Bean, Danny Dyer, Ralf Little, Billie Piper, Georgina Baillie, and Richard Blackwood.

'Ramseys Xmas Nightmare'
1x60 Channel Four

June Bliefield is the shittest cook in the country. Every year her family have eaten the worst christmas dinners ever created. But not this year, Ramseys here to kick June into shape and give the family a christmas dinner they'll never forget!! Noels shitting it, this is going to piss all over his presents.

Welcome

Hello, my names Jackson Burgess and I'm a highly regarded television producer. I have literally hundreds of commissions under my belt, and they all originate from my hallowed ideas book. I feel that the time has now come to share these ideas with the world before they hit your screens, so you can prepare yourself in advance for the genius of my productions. Enjoy.